I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
