Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
