And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
