Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sarcasm needs its own font
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
