How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize