super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
