It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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