You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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