my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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