Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize