Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
