i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
