I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
