idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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