I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
