Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
