theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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