If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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