yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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