i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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