im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
