Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
