if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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