you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My vagina just clenched in fear
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
