You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
