She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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