i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
