Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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