after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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