my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
