I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
