i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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