so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
