i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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