Pappa wants mamma naked
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
