He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
