It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Michael Bay diarrhea
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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