hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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