Screwed.edu
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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