I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
