I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
