I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
