things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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