HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
