so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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