I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize