ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The uberlube is also flammable
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
