He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
