Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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