I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize