happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
