I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
