That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
