Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
