Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
