His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
