how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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