We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
