Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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