Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
