I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
