i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
