i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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