I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
