A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
