...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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