Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
