my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
