You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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