My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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