I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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