Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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